Hello All, today we are going to look at the 12 Signs of an Abusive Relationship. There are different types of abuse, For example you can be physically or mentally abused.
Abuse is not always as obvious as being beaten or pushed around, being called hurtful names or being told off in public. In fact, it can be very well hidden from others and be very subtle in the beginning of a relationship.
You may feel very confused about what is actually happening. You feel like you cannot do anything right all the time. This is the kind of abuse that often creeps up on you as you become more involved in the relationship. What we are talking about here is psychological abuse, which is also known as mental or emotional abuse.
Mental abuse happens when the dominant person in the relationship tries to control information available To you with the sole purpose to manipulate your sense of reality. They want you to understand what is acceptable and unacceptable in their eyes, and to show you who is in charge.
Mental abuse often contains ways to emotionally manipulate you, such as threats made to force the victim to do what the abuser wants.
All forms of abuse are designed to make you lose your self-esteem and to feel worthless. The abused person starts to lose confidence in their own abilities and feels hopeless. In addition, most mental abusers are very good at convincing the victim that the abuse is their own fault. Somehow, the victim is responsible for what is happening.
A very clever form of emotional abuse is called “gas lighting.” This happens when the wrong information is presented to the victim with the sole purpose of making you doubt your own memory and sanity. Examples may range simply from the abuser denying that previous abusive events ever occurred to setting up bizarre events with the intention of confusing the victim.
12 signs of Abuse
- Humiliating or embarrassing you.
- Constant put-downs.
- With drawing affection
- Constant calling or texting when you are not with them.
- excluding you or ignoring you
- Provocative behavior with opposite sex.
- Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.
- Unreasonable jealousy or Rage.
- Extreme moods
- Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.
- Saying “I love you but…”
- Not letting you have money
Reasons For The Actions
Humiliating or embarrassing you in front of your family and friends, is designed to make you feel small and helpless.
Constant put downs to control the situation and to make you feel stress.
With drawing affection will make you feel lonely and isolated.
Keeping tabs on you by calling or texting when you are not together. So they still feel in control.
Excluding you from pre arranged events or ignoring you if you do go, makes you feel unworthy and useless.
Provocative behavior with the other sex, makes you feel jealous and try harder to keep the abuser.
Being sarcastic to you and being shouted at, are designed to keep you under control and show you who is boss.
Unreasonable jealousy and rage, when you have been together all the time. Will eventually lead to you doubting your own mind.
Extreme mood swings are very common in the abuser, this makes you unable to relax and never knowing where you stand, feeling like you are constantly walking on eggshells.
Mean jokes and constantly making fun of you, will empower the abuser and leave you feeling very emotionally upset.
Saying I love you but, you need to do this or that for my love to continue.
Not letting you have any money, so it’s virtually impossible for you to leave.
The Good Times
Abusers alI over the world will show you a good time now and then. People in this situation will often say that their partner was “nice to them” “giving out compliments,” “buying flowers or small gifts ,” etc. as if it should make up for all the bad treatment. You need to understand that this is part of the cycle of abuse.
In fact, it is rare for abusive relationships to not have these moments of feeling good, very sincere apologies or attempts to make up for the abusive behavior. The victim clings on to hope when these moments occur and the abuser knows this and takes full advantage of it.
Over time the good times can become less and less.
Using Your Insecurities Against You
One very important thing for you to remember is that it is in no way your fault. Abusers are experts in the art of manipulation with a way of getting you to believe that the way you are being treated is your fault.
These people know that everyone has certain insecurities in their lives, and they use those insecurities against you.
Abusers can convince you that you do not deserve to have better treatment or that they are treating you this way to “help” you. Some abusers even act quite normal and are nice to you in public, so that others have a good impression of them. In private, it is often a very different story.
This can make it very difficult to talk to others about the abuse, and you feel like no one is going to believe you because others normally see a different side to the abuser.
Does This Describe Your Situation
If you see yourself in this situation, please know that there is little to no hope for your relationship to change or improve. It would take a huge amount of effort for the abuser to change and unfortunately, this will rarely if ever happen .
If you are in an abusive relationship, I urge you to get out. Often the first step when leaving the abuser is to seek some professional help and to get some counseling in order to rebuild your confidence and your life.
You stay in the relationship because you still “love” this person and you find yourself defending their behavior, but that they do not “love” you or respect you. I can assure you that in time you will get over this person if you leave.
Although this will be very difficult for You to do, please know that in the long term you will be making the right decision.
My Final Thoughts
Being abused is a terrible situation to find yourself in. Just because you are not covered in bruises doesn’t mean it is not happening to you.
How many times does your Abuser have to keep saying sorry and promising you that they will change. Begging you not to leave them.
If the abuser really did care about you and the children they would do everything in their power to change the situation, the mere fact that they don’t should tell you everything you need to know.
Your family and friends will be there to support and help you. They will have seen the signs and will have a pretty good idea of what is happening to you. Abusers think they can hide what is happening and that nobody knows anything about it. This is not the case most often.
The hardest decision is to leave, because of your fragile state of mind. You are a lot stronger than you think.
YOU CAN DO IT, You know deep down it is the right thing to do especially if there are children involved. The children don’t need to grow up in this situation and believe that is a normal way of life.
I hope you have learned something from the 12 Signs of an Abusive Relationship.
Take great care of yourself because you are worth it.